Having spent close to 3 years in Kolkata for my graduation, the decision to come to Delhi was more than anything to get myself that big break and find my ground in the world of writing which has been a lifelong dream. In order to be more qualified, I applied for the M.A. course in English Literature, also my subject during my under-grads. Getting to Delhi physically with all my certificates and organs intact was a huge struggle for mainly political reasons,a case of mixed politics wherein I was made to suffer involuntarily amongst many others,and that is a thought best kept for another post to be coming up very soon. Any way, I reached Delhi huffing and puffing having made it through all the possible disasters and found myself plonked right in the middle of the July heat that refused to waiver,(leading to even more huffing and puffing). Attendance wasn't mandatory but given my record of bunking and ignoring studies in Kolkata, I knew that I had to change my agenda and seriously study for a change. Didn't happen, serious studying would be undertaken only two weeks prior to exams and sometimes in-between gaps but somehow managed to do pretty well for myself. And in between had lots of fun, bouts of loneliness,self loathing and worthlessness and so the battle continues. After a month,the course will be over and the curve that is ahead could very well lead to a dead end. There can be ruthless crushing of dreams,an eternal struggle between whats right for you and whats right for people who care for you, incompetence, not being good enough,ridicule etc. The only thing that sees me through is the fact that I am willing to try, to give it my best shot and ready to face the repercussions, for I believe (in true beauty pageant style) that it is better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all. So here I come world, I'm ready for you!
No comments:
Post a Comment