kafkaesque,anyone?

While studying Franz Kafka's The Trial for my up and coming exams,i couldn't help embark on an incident that took place almost eight years from now while I was still in school. Having studied in a strict convent set-up for years already I was well aware of the autocracy and the totalitarian outlook of the school's functioning body and how they took to deflections of any kind. But I realised I had enough of playing the “good,obedient girl” till the time I got to Class ix wherein this rebellious streak in me decided to come through as if to avenge the years I spent trying to be the good girl every one in the school was expected to be. Obviously I did nothing drastic and yet managed to keep out of trouble owing to my years of spotless record. Its like if you do well enough in your studies, you can get away with almost anything if you are careful. So,in rebellion and protestation of the school's present principal and her incessantly mind numbing demeanor, I embarked on a mass assembly bunking spree with some of my equally disoriented friends. Although I did go sometimes, just to stay on the safe side and immediately regretted such decisions. From assemblies we started throwing away a few classes now and then from equally mind-fucking subjects and/or teachers. Got majorly caught once upon a time and were made to pay for it but not dearly. Somehow we managed to escape it, yet not scot-free, as the teaching body got to know of it and then began days of snide comments and mild victimization by teachers who liked to think of themselves as “the authority” and such acts of minor transgression as personal vendetta. What was I expecting in a school were respect was demanded and almost never deserved. Being young girls, we were in awe of the current heartthrobs that ruled our minds and days. They would include film stars, sportsmen , pop stars, the like. So it was the time of the 2003 ICC World Cup and my friends knew I was much in awe of Yuvraj Singh (though I'd like to say it was love) and so were a few others. Cat-fights never ensued, we were friendly rivals fueled by the fact that we had a healthy competition and willing people to share our interest with. Anyway we had this barter system where we exchanged newspaper clippings of our current love interests with each other,one for one or two for one depending on the size of the pictures exchanged and most of us had a pile of these clippings which we kept in our school diary for reasons unbeknownst to human kind. And during one of the days, when I had turned up for assembly filled with intense loathing of the slimy hypocrisy that was conducting it, I asked for a fellow yuvraj singh fan's school diary (it was mandatory to carry them for morning assemblies) knowing that it contained pictures of my beloved (!). I just wanted to go through them as I was utterly disinterested (as previously mentioned) and she gave it to me. So I was going through his pictures as quietly and as unobtrusively as possible, a teacher steps in from behind and confiscates it. Now begins my trial. I go after her, beg for forgiveness and ask the diary back, mostly because it did not belong to me. I was thoroughly reprimanded and cited instances of my “early years of good behaviour ”, that I was losing focus and intent etc but the diary was never returned. Consumed by guilt, I tried for about till the end of the year but to no avail and gave up as I left school at the end of my session. Till this day I don't understand the unforgivable crime I seemed to have committed that moment in time and although I wasn't prosecuted per se , the burden of my guilt weighed heavy on me everytime I saw the face of the girl who had no part whatsoever to play in the scheme of events yet paid dearly for it and I don't know if she ever found it I her heart to forgive me truly.